If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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