At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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