Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Randomize
