some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
