I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize