So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
