3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
