she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
