You can't special order awesome
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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