I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
