didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
