I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
