that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
