Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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