omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
