dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
