Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
