my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
