I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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