This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
