you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
