You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
