would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
