he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I think my fart just growled at me.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Randomize
