does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
