How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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