Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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