I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize