C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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