Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
wrigley field is MILF paradise
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Randomize
