Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Randomize
