It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
