I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
