I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
