I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
