Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
