he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
