I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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