Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Randomize
