failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
