Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
