Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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