Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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