That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
