you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
