this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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