i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
