Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
