FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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