woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
