Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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