Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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