They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
