Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
