Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
