the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
