and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
