yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
