Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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