And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize