Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
