She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Randomize
