so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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