I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize