marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize
